And you know what, I’m gonna leave off this for awhile, I can’t handle it, there’s a lot of positive stuff going on in the movement and I’m gonna spend the next couple days drinking it in. But first let me show you my pain, from an email I sent to TMA yesterday, and we’ll call it tabled for now, and let things simmer while I get back on track.
Hey. I am still talking to the folks on that thread at Icarus, it’s calming me down. I’ve spent the last couple days researching NAMI and am seriously triggered, sobbing, grief trauma stuffings pouring out. It’s all so symbolic. I know you will understand, but I can’t put it straight yet. NAMI is deception, the embodiment of what I lived with, not in concrete details, but psychologically, this is an organization about hugely dysfunctional families that gang up on the weak link as expendable, all a ruse to keep from dealing with interpersonal violence, and they’re happy to destroy this person they denote as a loved one for whom there’s no exit once inside the psych system, no healing for the family unit because they’re avoiding the source of the real problem, the real interpersonal dysfunction. I discovered that NAMI attacks family therapy, just as it attacks all psychosocial intervention and critics of biopsychiatry. They’ve put themselves completely out of reach of the typical programs geared toward the typical family recognized as embroiled in typical domestic violence, because they’ve convinced everyone of their interpersonal innocence, their kids are delusional, have genetic diseases the ‘rents can’t be blamed for, it’s all smoke and mirrors, and the media buys it. NAMI is leading the culture around, held up as the authority on mental illness, and the public doesn’t understand the true focus of these anti-stigma campaigns is on abolishing prejudice toward families, not the “delusional, mentally ill who don’t know they’re sick”, family support groups are steeped in ideology and entirely funded by AstraZeneca, forcing drugs and ECT on their children, who are right now living in the Matrix, without due process, everyday, you step into the abyss and find it only comes up to your knees.
You know I am sympathetic to the violent mentally ill meme, my big brother, killed who knows how many people. I saw it, I saw us all decompensate over the course of our childhoods, I was there, he was in and out of psych wards and jail, sorrowful mom had him involuntary committed when he was 17 and who knows how much one thing has to do with the other, nothing helped, made him worse, didn’t it. And yes, he was a sadist, but he was beaten and molested as a child, we all have records of broken bones, he had sex with mom at four years old, this is a story, where does his story come in? I’m sorry, I’m just processing so much so fast, I know my thoughts aren’t organized. The thing is I knew all this, right, but it’s being in the same room with them, including the ex NAMI rep I feel attracted to, who is the worst really, and the chief of police, and even our protection and advocacy person kissing ass. We had to introduce ourselves, 20 people and no one identified as a consumer, at a Consumer Council meeting, it was all agency heads and law enforcement. When it was my turn I said I was a “community activist” and the police chief said, “that’s……………….okay,” I felt like such a joke. I’ve been on stage before, doing monologues and poetry readings and on the radio for ten years, I know I can push through the normal stage fright, this isn’t normal stage fright, it’s the assimilating that’s got me terrified. They represent something I don’t want to believe, and am on a mission to get to the bottom of it.
Also Teema, I learned at that meeting that our local MH Authority does not recognize PTSD as a legit mental illness, and do not treat people, including vets who present w/the PTSD dx. It’s like all my fears from 2002 are materializing, and you’d think I’d find that reassuring or something, but it’s crushing and stark, and I am not yet aware of the size of it.
So that’s all I got, but this is a link worth clicking, and y’all can draw your own conclusions.
Thank you for reading, in courage and valor.