Hello and much love to every ounce of your entire being, percolating here, Ama got me thinking about doing a post on identity politics, and getting that whole canna worms out of the way, but seems to me fighting for social justice means doing identity politics, you can’t get it out of the way. Parodox! This may require serious typing but it’s probably time to try to organize my thoughts. In sum, identity politics was a good theory that in practice brings out the worst in people, centering around toxic interpersonal conflict, an unintended consequence that is so destructive folks like me want to throw it over altogether and start afresh. But that means more typing, and I’m all about the laziness, so in the spirit of the moment will leave you this old post by belledame at fetch me my ax, a creative malcontent who plays with the possibilities hidden in the bad patterns. Is this something great here or am I particularly impressionable at present?
It’s not about ideology, particularly. It’s not about never swearing or never getting passionate or even never personally insulting anybody.
It’s about: can you, ever, in any circumstances, meet the other person halfway? A quarter of the way? A tenth of the way?
Are you capable of grasping nuance, even a little bit?
Can you, even partially, even grudgingly, ever admit, in any circumstances, that you were wrong? About anything?
Would you, once in a great while, be willing to put aside your overwhelming need to have the last word?
Can you concede, even ungraciously, that even a loathed enemy might have a point, if you can see that sie does?
Are you aware that conversations take place over time, that they’re about 90% about relationships, even of the most superficial sort?
Have you ever changed your mind? About anything? Do you think it’s possible you might conceivably ever change it again? About anything?
Maybe that’s not anyone else’s definition of civil discourse. But those are (among) the criteria I use to determine whether or not I’m going to continue bothering to talk to someone.
She’s defining cognitive flexibility, nice work if you can do it, not a virtue, just makes life better. What do you do when you deal with someone who can’t manage this? I drive them nuts.