If you knew me in real life you’d wonder when I’m going to get myself killed. All my friends do. Funny no one ever asks me that online, I wonder why. I’m not in hiding, it’s all out there, right, yes. So let’s not pretend.
My life is made up of constant and vituperative battles with institutionalized authority, I’ve always been this way and always will. It’s part non-volitional upset and part performance, but it’s all real.
The non-volitional upset is what control freaks tell me to analyze, and that they even make such a suggestion is endemic to the sense of entitlement I refuse to recognize and that got us into this fight in the first place.
My refusal to knuckle under leads to even more outrageous demands for submission and I want that to be seen for what it is.
What makes it a performance is my intent to completely demolish any sense of goodness and nobility in the one who acts from a belief in their right to express power over others.
I won’t accept my inferior status, and that refusal puts me at no more a disadvantage than I would be if I subjugated my ego to any human who believes in the right to make other humans obey. That’s why I hate my peer group too, which I’m just saying as a matter of sharing.
I’ll be the one who identifies what is going on because without conscious awareness there is no hope for change, and I do this without support from the others in my group, who accept their status as less than without the uproar I bring to it. I don’t like it, but I accept this too, and hope for a parable down the road.
All that keeps these escapades from being a straigtforward teaching moment is my personality. When faced with Aileen Wuornos eyes the authorities want to change the subject to my obnoxious, confrontational manner, my instability and my distress, as if it was all so very inexplicable, which is never stated, because that would invite discussion of the very subject of entitlement they’re trying to avoid. It is very easy to tap into the feelings they’re trying to manipulate, but sorry, my hippocampus is off the table, not up for discussion, thanks to what entitled tyrants did to make it what it is today. Yes, of course I recognize when my own transference issues are calling the shots and I don’t want to change. Fix that, really, for you? A vengeful goddess does not assimilate.
What matters most is how you walk through the fire.