I’ve given up proselytizing to people who could benefit from digging into his life and work, and have just found him all over youtube. I can’t even begin, I should be happy but I’m angry first, it’s like see, dipshits, see, I’m not the only one to think he’s important.
For 20 years I’ve talked Nick Drake in the therapeutic and bohemian milieus, and get the universal so-what in return. I cry when talking about him, and that makes people nervous, but his life makes me sad, his life was about being ignored by lesser beings, and it frustrates me to encounter it again, in coffeehouses, where there’s no excuse for it.
I quit 2 boyfriends over their lack of interest in Nick Drake, hipsters called me a disciple, my psychologist got all psychological about my fixation so at some point I just stopped trying to communicate. Reduce all of it to a middle-aged teenager who’s life revolves around an obscure schizophrenic folk musician who died 30 years ago, someone has issues all right. What I have is aesthetic sensibility, and a life which revolves around that. Not to say I still speak for beauty, but it was a mistake to stop doing the one thing I know how to do to connect with people, I can’t find them anymore. I can’t talk to hipsters, not the way they act, the laughs they got out of Kurt Cobain’s suicide, I don’t *get* gofugyourself and the distance of that heartless snobbery. Better to be a transformational elitist with an outstretched hand, tell them there’s plenty of room at the top, here we go, come on up. Stopped talking and saw that devolve into a secret shame, seriously, yesterday a new Nick Drake biography arrived from Amazon and I noticed I was gratified to see it came in a plain brown wrapper. Become alienated while worshipping artists of alienation, you’re going around in a perfect circle, foot nailed to the floor. But they were also desperate to break through it, so following in their steps dishonors their memory. I’m not a disciple, some indiscriminating cipher who contrives the pale stricken manner of a pop idol in order to stand out from the crowd. Trust me, I stand out. It’s that the student surpasses the teacher, by learning from them what not to do.
There’s been umbrage that I position myself so in relation to my heroes. Who the fuck does she think she is, so precious and twee? I’m their owner, and sharing them is a solemn moment, always a big delicate step. Before blogging and trolls anyway.
Let it happen, the reclamation is worth it. And I thought youtube was supposed to be all about the goofy, well, you get what you look for. Say hi to Nick.